Thursday, 27 June 2013

The Beginning…We all have to start somewhere…From small beginnings come great things.

As I sit at my kitchen table I am listening to my two youngest adopted daughters argue over whose turn it is to play in the toy car. Part of me finds it funny as they try and negotiate over who should be able to drive it, the other part of me is thinking, when do I intervene before one of them starts crying or worse, screaming!

This is what I hope to be the first of many blogs. I plan to share with others our journey of going from two to five overnight, well six if you include our rather large dog!

Earlier this year my husband and I were placed with three beautiful daughters aged 6, 4 & 2. Before I pen our highs and lows since becoming parents, I want to take you to the start of our journey and share my thoughts and feelings through the often lonely and scary place of trying to start a family.

For us the decision to adopt was made years ago, before my husband and I even met. However, we also dreamt about having birth children too.
In early 2011 we discussed whether we should start trying for a biological child or whether we should adopt first. We bounced ideas around for a while and sought advice from close family. We agreed to start trying for a baby. Little did we know that the next seventeen months would consist of heartache, soul searching and doctors appointments.

I can recall the need to keep myself busy, paint my nails, meet with friends and movie night with the hubby, anything to keep my mind from wandering, when was it going to be my turn?

There was a time when one of the hardest situations to face was hearing about friends’ pregnancies, seeing pregnant women or tiny babies. I wanted to be happy for them and sometimes I was, but other times it tore away at me inside. The constant questions of why us, how do I keep going, and how do I stop worrying, kept replaying in my mind.

While we waited for God to bless us with a child, I felt the need to surround myself with other people’s stories, friends and information that could help me through this challenging time.  I found hope, laughter and encouragement whilst reading, which spurred me on.

All I could do for the time being was to trust God in his plan and hold on to the hope that one day I would be a mommy.