Saturday, 25 April 2015

Taking Care

Well it's day 100!! I have completed the challenge!

Firstly, I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who has joined in. Whether you have shared one photo or 100 it has been great sharing in this time together.

Personally, I believe that taking care of yourself is at the root of being able to care for others and us adopters know too well that caring for our children is a big and interesting task.

You may have noticed a lot of food and drink shots. Just out of interest, I had to count how many of my pictures included food, cuppas and glasses of wine and in total there were 63. Out of those 63, surprisingly, it was only 29 pictures that were cake and chocolate-related (I thought we would be looking at higher numbers than that!) I guess food and drink is my main source of self-care!

I hope that just because the challenge has ended that we do not loose the importance of self care on a daily basis. It doesn't have to be anything huge, in fact there can be great benefits from having 10 minutes with a cuppa (and cake), a walk around the block or a soak in the bath.

If you fancy a look at the pictures that have been posted please click here. 

Friday, 10 April 2015

Pressure Cooker!

Living with adoption to me is a bit like living in a pressure cooker! 

The mix of ingredients - the complex relationships, the muddle of emotions, the behaviours, the history, the feelings, the tiredness.... I could go on and on! 

I guess the holidays have a lot to answer for - the build up, the heat, the arguments getting bigger and bigger, forced to spend each minute together!

This afternoon I sent an email to an adopter stating how well I had done this holiday, whilst I had struggled on day one and half of day two, I had managed to turn my negative emotions and feelings around and began to quite enjoy spending time with the kids, friends, family and making the most of the sun.

Tonight all that changed! I blew my top! The pressure cooker had reached it's limit and the steam escaped! It was over something and nothing really. My girls were being horrible to each other (all day for two weeks) and then telling on each other as though they were innocent little angels.

It got to me and I blew! Can they not see that they are as bad as each other? Can they not see how worn down and tired I get when all I can hear is constant bickering! Am I worried about it? No, my sister and I would have massive arguments and we are now the best of friends! But, I am sure as hell worn out by it!! I had had enough and for about 5 minutes I let them know how much I'd had enough!!

At this point my husband took over and I escaped to what would appear to the outside world to be pampering myself by blow drying and straightening my hair (when in fact it was a coping strategy). As I was taking some deep breaths I looked out the window to see my lovely neighbours on their way out. To be honest I had a pang of jealously. Here they were going out on a summers evening for maybe a lovely quiet meal together, where they could relax and enjoy each others company. For all I know going to Sainsbury's to do their weekly shop, but even that seemed a better option to me in that moment.

Moments later my thoughts were disturbed by my middle daughter as she came to ask me if she could have a hug. As I looked at her with open arms she gave me a huge hug and as I said sorry so did she. We hugged each other harder and she told me she loved me more than anything in the world, my eyes filled with tears. "I love you too", I replied. Minutes later, another knock at the door. This time it was my eldest daughter. She too wanted to say goodnight. We hugged, I said I loved her, as usual she doesn't reply, but it's okay, it's hard for her to say. Then I hear my youngest clambering up the stairs. "Come here" I say and she gives me a big hug. It's hard for us to look at each other at first but then we say "I love you" and off we go to brush her teeth. Tears well up again in my eyes. Do I feel guilty about exploding, funnily enough no, but I do feel proud of all four of us for repairing our relationship and moving on.

I said to each of my girls, 'Let's try again tomorrow'. So that is what we shall do.

Try again tomorrow..... Pressure cooker reset!