Sunday, 21 August 2016

Four months on.

It's been four months now since your youngest daughter, SB moved out. Since then there have been a range of activities and emotions.

The biggest question everyone seems to ask is, are the girls able to see each other? The answer is 'yes' and the hope is that this will continue. The girls share a connection that none of us want to break. SB will be part of our lives forever. Currently, the girls see each other at breakfast club before their school day begins and once a week their social worker takes them for some fun family time, which they all look forward to. SB is also seeing her grandparents and they are enjoying the time they spend together.

Over that time we have all experienced a range of emotions. I have to say that I am extremely proud of my older two girls and how well they have reacted to our new situation. Don't get me wrong, there have been tears, nightmares and questions. We have had those down times, where we wish we hadn't found ourselves in this situation. We have answered the girls questions the very best that we can, whilst being sensitive and loving.

SB is doing okay. Academically, she is excelling and she has always been a popular little girl, the party invites she receives are endless.  On her sports day, she won every single race and wore 5 medals with pride. Her foster carers appear to be meeting SB's emotional needs, which is something we were unable to do. They are enjoying days out together and have recently returned from a holiday. SB is settling well with her carers. I have seen her hand in hand with them skipping, she looks happy and that is wonderful to see. SB misses her sisters and I think this is the biggest challenge that SB is facing. I believe that if her siblings were to join her in her current home she would be happier. It does not appear that SB has/is missing my husband and I. While that may sound upsetting, it actually helps to see that we made the right decision, relationships were not being formed and this was influencing her emotional development, our health and our family dynamics.

Life at home is a much calmer and happier place to be. The chaos that used to exist has now simmered (we still have our moments), we are able to spend quality time as a family as the exhaustion that was, no longer is. We have enjoyed a trip to the coast over the May bank holiday, family films with plenty of popcorn, meals out, time with friends and just doing everyday life in the summer holidays has been much easier and the stress has reduced. A few of my family and friends have commented on how I seem more relaxed compared to a few months ago. People can see the difference and to be honest I can too. We are off on holiday next week and we hope to have fun, enjoy each others company and build more happy memories.

Relationships are complex, add in adoption and the complications go through the roof! I do not think I will ever understand why events have unfolded the way they have, especially as a Christian I struggle to understand why God would allow this pain. However, I have to rise above these thoughts and trust that there is a bigger picture, one I can not see from down here. I have to be thankful that my husband and I were able to be strong and make the right decision for everyone in our family.

To date we have had two reviews of SB's care and the plan that we are pursing is for SB to be re-adopted. Our hope is that SB can grow up with a family who will be able to build a relationship with her and help her to grow into a beautiful, well rounded, emotionally stable adult. As some of you may know these plans don't happen quickly, but we hope and pray that for SB's sake she will be re-settled soon in a family who can provide her with all her needs.

Thank you again to our family and friends who have propped us up and provided emotional and practical support to all of us. We love you.

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